CHANGE YOUR MINDSET NOT YOUR MAN, Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix What's Wrong, is a book that took me a lifetime to write. I was like the psychotherapy clients I treated for twenty years determined to find that adoring man and a cherishing relationship, and took many wrong turns in the process. (Click here to find out more about me.) What you will discover by reading my book is that the real relationship you are seeking is with yourself. I provide the tools to begin the work of building that empowered self and a full happy life even with a flawed partner and an imperfect relationship. I've imagined some questions you might have about the book:

What is your book about?

My book, Change Your Mindset Not Your Man, shows you how to quit being a victim to the cultural myth that a relationship with a soul mate will be your ultimate fulfillment and change the only one you can change-yourself! Unfortunately many a woman has tossed aside good men trying to find the fantasy prince and happily ever after, only to end up disappointed and jaded. Men are not hard wired or socialized for the fantasy relationship that movies, novels, and fairytales promised. All the nagging, complaining and crying just make it worse. Even couples counseling can backfire and just add to the misery if it's the woman who is enlisting the help of a therapist to fix him.

How is your book different from other relationship books?

My book is about a woman's individuation and empowerment-- learning to be a mature partner who is able to accept her good enough mate and find happiness in a life that doesn't look to him to be her everything. Many relationship books are focused on the problems and how to fix them--a difficult or impractical task for women or couples to do on their own if at all. My approach to relationship success is to accept your partner's imperfections, appreciate the gifts and take responsibility for your own growth.

How does your book advise a woman to do that?

First accept that she isn't going to change him, and that criticizing him just digs a deeper hole. Realize that she has some growing and maturing to do. Identify the negative beliefs and stories that keep her stuck and rework them--just because you believe it doesn't make it true. Face up to the normal disappointment and pain of relationships and life-it's inevitable! Understand the truth that a romantic partner will not compensate for what she may have missed growing up, that a love relationship won't make it all better. Recognize and build on the strengths and positives in her partner and the relationship and learn some tools that will enable her to lead by example. Reconnecting with her dreams and building a bigger life will also take the pressure off the relationship and point women in the direction of more satisfaction.

Read Chapter One here.